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I want to talk about Mental Health...

I want to talk about Mental Health...

June 05, 2022

A number of my poems you will find, relate to mental health or certainly suggestive of issues.
Like many people I have not been exempt from the restraints of mental health.
Earlier this year I was diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t know why that came as a surprise to me. It certainly didn’t come as a surprise to those who are close to me.
It’s not secret and certainly evident from my poetry that I was raped at a young age, 14 by 5 assailants. Not going to go in to the details of that except to say that my life was threatened with a hunting knife and understandably it has affected who I became and who I am today.
If you read the snippet of REGRETS , you may pick up that following on from that I was disbelieved by my parents.
“You mad it clear I was not your priority”
“My face still smarts from your backhanded brutality”.
I was not allowed counselling even though it was offered. I was blamed for the whole horrid ordeal and I was often reminded of this as time went on. Lesser of course as years went by, until shortly before my father passed away. Here he reminded me how I had been a “disappointment”.
I buried that until one day, one little brush by a stranger for 2 seconds brought everything flooding back. This is when I began asking of the 5 rapists, “Do you regret what you did?” Then I remembered what my father had said and I asked the same question. So my poem came from those questions as well as asking my ex-husband if he had any regrets too. I haven’t put the full poem on the website and I won’t. Although I read it for the poetry slam – the audience didn’t know me. There is safety in that. It’s way too personal to put here in full.
But on the upside, I am on the mend. My mental health is improving with good counselling, medication and great support from loved ones. I had avoided medication previously, but honestly I feel great now. I don’t know why, I am a nurse, I should know better! But I can focus (apart from post-covid brain fog), I can work productively and my creativity has taken a step up. I have so many ideas in my head I need to get down on paper. It’s finding the time to do it which is the hard part. I am sure many people can relate to that!
I used to hide my past, thinking it was not something I should talk about. Cant think wear I got that from! “Swept under rug, no mention, no more”. Ummmm, no surprise! But not anymore. I am not advertising it from the roof tops, but I am no longer afraid to say #Metoo.



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07/06/2022 10:19
A very sad, but in many ways an uplifting post as well. The triumph of resilience over long-lived pain. So glad you have moved to a place where you can find the real you. The hurt may always be there, but I trust it becomes the lesser part of you as the years roll on. Take care and thanks for sharing.


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